Never pass up a chance to talk with strangers and always be generous

I flew into Bangkok Tuesday evening, December 21, not knowing a single person in the whole city – what was I thinking? I had read somewhere that Bangkok was an easy city to see by bicycle. That may have been true once upon a time, but I did not see a single bicycle in the two days I was there and I cannot imagine trying to navigate the streets in such a way. I did however see a bike rental stand in one of the quieter areas that I visited.

This is my first visit to a third world nation and it is rather difficult knowing where to begin. I am not sure of the official definition of a third world nation, but I am going to go with two criteria: drinking the tap water and breathing the air can make you sick and there is evidence everywhere of neocolonialism. I define neocolonialism as a system of economic warfare that subjugates a large and growing number of people to a life of poverty and indebtedness from which they have hardly any chance of ever escaping. However, they are fed a steady stream of information that promises a better future either in the afterlife, through incarnation, or simply by working harder and spending less. Bangkok strikes me as a place where both the best and the worst of religion and capitalism are readily apparent.

This leads me to share the story of four people I met in Bangkok who touched me deeply and made the smog, humidity, and crowded sidewalks all secondary experiences. The first person was the guy in the picture here. I had just bought a ticket to visit Wat Pho, a Buddhist temple with a famous statue of a reclining Buddha. I cannot remember his name exactly, but it is close enough to “Chuck” that I am giving him the name for this posting. Chuck asked me if I would like to have a personal guided tour of the Temple. I thought the price was a little too high, but he was very persuasive so I agreed and am glad that I did. I learned much more about the temple and Thai culture than I ever would have without him. Sure, he tried to twist my arm into buying some overpriced souvenirs from a woman that I suspect was his mother, but that is to be expected most anywhere. I am not sure how many guides like Chuck were there to cater to the large number of tourists, but I am a believer in serendipity and I am going to make it a point to always look for Chuck whenever I am a stranger in a strange land.

Later that evening I went to eat at a sidewalk café that I had discovered the night before. No one spoke English, but I was hoping someone could tell me just a little about a particular dish on the menu. An American couple at the next table told me they had never had the dish in question, but that everything was good. We struck up a conversation and it turned out they were flight attendants staying at the same hotel as mine. They were regular customers of this café and complimented me on my courage to give it a try since most people they knew who stayed at the hotel never ventured outside for a meal. They were married, based in South Korea, and flew into Bangkok at least once a month so they were a perfect and willing resource to ask questions regarding all that I had observed and experienced that day. We quickly learned that we were kindred spirits in many ways including a shared sense of helplessness at the systemic poverty that was all around us and anger with the unbridled capitalism that was also all around us and which exacerbated the systemic poverty. I believe their names were Tina and Tom, but I cannot be sure since I was enjoying a liter of Leo with my dinner, but I told him that I thought he looked like Anthony Bourdain and he took that as a compliment.

Finally, I met a young man the next morning on my last little expedition before leaving for India. I was walking down a random street filled with jewelry stores and guys on the corners trying to steer me towards one store or another. The jewelry in the windows was beautiful, but not anything that interested me. I was getting anxious to get back to my hotel, finish packing, shower, check out, and get to the airport, when I nearly stumbled over a young man who was selling rings and bracelets made from an organic material woven into fairly simple geometric designs. I am not sure if this young man did the weaving or not because he had only one good arm and hand. The other looked to be malformed from a birth defect and he was missing both legs. He was not like other people I had encountered on the sidewalks. He did not call out to me or rattle a coin cup, but simply used his good hand to call my attention to his wares. I took a few moments to admire his handiwork and bought a couple of rings and a bracelet for less than $2. This ring will be my daily reminder of Bangkok, its beauty, its poverty, and its people.

The conference that I came to Perth to attend was the fourth International Conference of the International Society for the Study of Religion, Nature, and Culture. It was quite a learning experience for me, especially as an American, to be around people who are so focused on environmental issues often from a religious perspective. While I am generally concerned about the future of our planet, I came to realize how woefully uneducated I am in terms of what is going on and what is at stake. Just a couple of examples include understanding the differences between the disciplines of ecology and environmentalism and the concepts of world and planet. The cost of electricity in Australia has gone up nearly 50% in the past two years. There seemed to be a pretty concerted effort to conserve energy, but I did not really see much evidence of green energy technology.

I attended and presented at the conference because of the significance that religion is given in this society (ISSNRC) as it relates to nature. The opening session included a welcome from Dr. Richard Walley, an elder of the Nyoongar people, who blessed us with stories, songs, and teachings to help us understand the spiritual connection between the land upon which we were gathered and his people. I came away with a much deeper appreciation for the animism of the indigenous peoples that connects them to all of life. This was fascinating from both a religious and information science perspective. One goal that I take away from this conference is to develop a workshop on information from the perspective of indigenous peoples.

One of the final things I did at this conference was to watch a movie called "Our Generation" about how the Australian government is making a concerted effort to move indigenous peoples off their homelands in the Northern Territory in order to provide easier access to ore deposits for the corporate mining interests. When the people refused to "lease" their lands for 99 years, the government suddenly discovered "widespread child abuse" among the indigenous people and this was the excuse to begin forced relocation. This action is referred to as "The Intervention".

I watched former Australian PM John Howard looking and sounding very much like George W. Bush with the same uncanny ability to keep a straight face while telling lies in order to justify injustice. For a society with countless symptoms of a general lack of appreciation for life as evidenced by abortion, drug abuse, sexual disease, alcoholism, obesity, child pornography, etc., to manufacture such outlandish charges against a people is indicative of how essentially evil our white western values can be. By the way, just like the supposed weapons of mass destruction, an extensive investigation proved that the "wide spread child abuse" was also a lie. Four possible cases were discovered.

I was also surprised to learn that in Australia there is no such thing as a bill of rights. Also, there was never a treaty with any of the indigenous people of that country. The abuse of power, even by a democratic government, is a real and constant danger for anyone who loves freedom and respects life.

I do want to say that I loved my time in Australia and that I am already missing hearing the magpies and other birds that were constantly calling me to pay attention to nature. The tree in this picture is located on the campus of the University of Western Australia. I find it to be a great symbol of the interconnectedness of life.

Stop Two: Perth Australia - Joy, Pleasure, Fear, and Guilt

I arrived in Perth, Australia Tuesday evening, December 14, in order to attend and present at a conference of the International Society for the Study of Religion, Nature, and Culture. It is a rather small conference with less than 100 people attending and most of us are staying in a dormitory at St. Catherine’s College across the road from the University of Western Australia, which is the location for the conference sessions. The “U-Wah” campus is spectacular with Spanish Mediterranean architecture and tropical foliage full of beautiful birds.

Such a small conference is a great opportunity to meet new people. I have made the acquaintance of scholars from across Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Pakistan, Canada, Japan, and the Netherlands. I spent my first full day here with two new friends, Genny Blades from Victoria and Michael Newton from Newfoundland, taking a bus to Freemantle, then a ferryboat to Rottnest Island several miles off the west coast into the Indian Ocean. The government used the island at one time to quarantine aboriginal peoples. Now it is a vacation location. We rented bicycles and spent the afternoon touring the beautiful yet harsh island. It was a wonderful time enjoying breathtaking views, wading in the ocean, and being conscious of the need to ration drinking water.

It is a joyous occasion to make new friends that I hope to meet again at some point in the future. Introducing myself to a total stranger is something that comes pretty easy to me and I can strike up a conversation with most anyone. It is much more difficult for me to take advantage of pleasurable opportunities that arise and which may never present themselves again. Michael and I are going to attend a U2 concert here in Perth tomorrow evening. I have never paid as much to attend a concert as I have for this one, but it is a wonderful opportunity that I am sure I will always remember. This opportunity and my hesitation to incur the expense gave me pause to consider my long-term hesitance to pursue, embrace, and enjoy pleasure.

I remember hearing a sermon as a teenager in which the preacher was speaking about the terrible lack of morals in society and how it was summed up in a popular phrase at the time “If it feels good, do it”. The preacher deplored the phrase as irresponsible, shallow, and that such an attitude would surely lead to the downfall of society. The implication being, at least in my young impressionable mind, that if it feels good, it must be wrong, it must be sinful, to be resisted at all costs. I know that I am not alone in having such a predisposition about pleasure imprinted upon my mind. The religious tradition of my upbringing and in the Puritan heritage of our nation, was and is serious business. I grew up believing that opportunities for pleasure should be treated with suspicion because the devil used such opportunities to lead us astray and the next thing you know you are spending eternity in hell.

I have observed and experienced this repressive religious attitude about pleasure having a negative impact on marriage. Money and sex are usually cited as the two leading causes of marital strive, but both of those are rooted in pleasure, or more precisely, the inability to cherish pleasure, to be spontaneous, to throw caution to the wind, to take a chance, to let go, to lose control, and just live in the moment. Even more troublesome is when this inability turns into fear of spontaneity, fear of losing control, and feelings of guilt following pleasurable experiences.

I am not versant in the religious origins for the repression of pleasure but I am generally aware of the conflict as old as human history between the fertility oriented religions and the male-dominated dualistic religions. So this is nothing new and it is certainly not a unique problem, but I am turning a page in my life not only to embrace opportunities for pleasure, but to actively seek them out, to live, laugh, and love as never before. It is not a simple nor easy step and I will probably need a helpful push now and then to continue in this direction; also, I am not advocating the pursuit of pleasure for pleasure’s sake at the expense of responsibility, but it is a necessary step in the pursuit of a healthy balance.

First Stop: San Francisco and the Rediscovery of Fun

When I began to make plans to attend and present at two academic conferences in Australia and India later this month, I learned about a travel option that would allow me to make five stops on a trip around the world for one flat rate that was much cheaper than the estimate I had submitted to the university for approval. I have taken advantage of this opportunity to include a couple of other stops on my journey the first of which is San Franciso to visit my brother, Sean, and his wife Lynn. The thought of spending a couple of days with Sean helped me to realize the greater depth of what this journey is all about for me and to be intentional in my contemplation and reflections upon it.

For context, I am the oldest of four children and there are ten years between Sean and myself. We are very different people in many ways, but we have a bond that grows stronger every time we are together. Because we are so different, I learn a lot about myself from just being around Sean and interacting with him. In some ways, it is hard to believe that we both grew up in the same household in which religion affected everything and often in rather negative ways.

First of all, Sean has always known how to have fun. He has an easy smile and as a child would fall into bouts of hysterical laughter at the least little thing that would soon have the rest of the family laughing at his laughing until our sides hurt. Sean never seemed to be overly affected by the fear and anxiety that often marked our family environment. Whereas, I dutifully submitted to the religious influence and the fear based messages of the potential consequences that would come with anything less than complete obedience to a stern and judging god, Sean could not be bothered by such a narrow path.

Not that he was a rebellious child by any means. He would first have to be angry to be rebellious and I have seldom seen Sean angry. I have known my brother to be very competitive and determined, to have experienced significant disappointment, and to display and articulate irritation in certain situations, but I cannot recall times when he was angry. In situations that would have my blood boiling Sean has a way of shrugging it off and moving on to the next thing, refusing to be brought down by the situation.

I have spent most of my life on low boil and I have been aware of that for many years. I believe that I do a pretty good job of keeping my anger in check, but others may well disagree. There are a lot of reasons for the anger the details of which I do not need to go into here, except to say I believe that the driving force is the feeling of being unworthy that comes from a fearful religious upbringing. More importantly, I acknowledge that my anger has cost me friendships and important relationships for which I am very sorry. In the past few years, I have been able to acknowledge and deal with it in constructive ways. While it has been too little, too late for some relationships, I am working hard to lay down the anger and to embrace a happier outlook that believes it is okay to have fun, to experience pleasure, to love life, to laugh with others rather than to be bothered by them, and so on.

So yesterday I enjoyed exploring San Francisco with my brother and sharing some good laughs and creating some timeless memories. Sean started a brotherly air hockey competition many years ago when he was in college that we renew each time we are together if we can find an arcade. Yesterday that arcade was on Fisherman’s Wharf with a view of Alcatraz in the distance. We left it at a 1-1 tie, although I did have 12 total points to Sean’s 11, but who is counting? The point is that where I saw the arcade and thought nothing of it, but Sean saw the opportunity for some fun and friendly sibling competition and bonding.

I know that fear and anger shuts down my ability to see and appreciate the life that is going on all around me. I know that it is easy for me to say that I am going to pay more attention and enjoy life, but I also know that I have a hard time actually doing so. I have often heard that experiencing the life of India changes a person forever. I am hopeful the same will be true for me.

The Seeking Balance Tour

I am on the second day of a journey by which I will close out this year by traveling around the world while making presentations at academic conferences in Australia and India. It is an exciting yet bittersweet journey. Exciting because it is the fulfillment of a dream and a desire to see the world; bittersweet because I am traveling alone. I have decided to give my journey a name and to write about it here because in many ways the journey is an explicit exercise for me in sense-making and my life. I am calling this journey “The Seeking Balance Tour of 2010”.

This past year has been tumultuous for me. My marriage of nearly 29 years came to an end, which felt a lot like the childhood experience of being on the high end of a teeter-totter when the person on the other end suddenly gets off and you have that terrifying feeling of helplessly falling without any control of the speed of the fall। And while at the time it seemed like a sudden experience, I know now that it was not. I know that things had been out of balance for quite some time and that we simply reached the tipping point, the breaking point, beyond which all hope of recovering balance, was lost.

Last July, in the middle of this very negative legal proceeding, it occurred to me that I would be spending the holiday season on my own and I began to wonder what I could do to avoid feeling lonely and depressed. It then occurred to me that I could do anything that I wanted. I have always enjoyed traveling and long dreamed of traveling the world so I began to look for international academic conferences on topics that fit within my area of research at which I might present. I found two conferences the timing of which bookend Christmas, submitted proposals that were accepted, submitted the travel request to my university, which was also accepted, made the travel plans and here I am.

That was the first step in a spiritual journey, a journey of the Big Picture, and the destination is self-discovery. As a child, I usually thought of the teeter-totter as a rather boring activity. I preferred the greater challenge of standing on top of the middle of the teeter-totter by myself and shifting my weight from one foot to the other until the board reached a balance parallel to the ground. That is what I am trying to do in my life. To acknowledge, accept, deal with, and leave behind those attributes of my life that led to the crash; and to discover, recognize, embrace, and appreciate those attributes, activities, attitudes, and persons that I need in order for my life to regain balance. That is my quest and I invite you to follow along as I chronicle the daily journey, discoveries, and insights that I have along the way.