Watched the new Clint Eastwood flick "Gran Torino" last evening. Wonderful, powerful movie about life, death, rebirth, justice, courage, and grace. It will preach.

How can I be happy in today's economy?

Years ago Steve Martin, the comedian, did a short sketch on "How to make a million dollars and not pay taxes on it." It was a simple, two-step process: first, make a million dollars, and two, when the IRS comes to ask why you did not pay taxes on the million dollars just say, "I forgot." Scott Adams' cartoon character, Dogbert, sells admission to his seminar on "How to turn a $100 investment into a million dollars." After collecting an admission fee from all the members of the audience, he advises them to put $100 in a savings account at 5% interest and wait a thousand years. Seminar dismissed.

These recollections came to mind this morning as I was reflecting on the fact that I have not checked on the status of my various retirement savings accounts for nearly six months. While the markets and stock indexes have headed south, I have not bothered to check the daily net asset value of my IRA even once. This from a guy who used to monitor this kind of information on a daily basis and watch Jim Cramer's Mad Money show every evening. 

So, am I just being irresponsible? Is this a sign that I am in denial? Or is it an indication that my life journey has taken a new direction so that I no longer daydream about winning the lottery or hitting it big on the stock market so that I could quit an aggravating job? When people ask me how I am liking the new career I almost feel guilty talking about my good fortune of getting paid to do something that I love doing, something that inspires me, and something that, hopefully, makes a positive difference in the world. 

Joseph Campbell advised that the secret to life is to follow one's bliss. I used to think that required first figuring out what made you happy and then charting a course to get there as if it was a destination. Now I am realizing that to follow your bliss is a journey rather than a destination and that "your bliss" is not the same as "your desire." I think the Buddhists have it right with their teaching that desire is the root of all suffering. 

I went back to school in my mid-thirties thinking that if I got out of the ministry, I would be happy. That was my desire, to be happy. However, the coursework that I found most rewarding in my Master of Library Science program kept bringing me back to the ministry, i.e., applying information science theory to ministry practice. I ended up with a job that was challenging, the pay was decent, I got to travel, met a lot of good people, and got to work pretty independently, but it was not something that I could get passionate about.

I entered a PhD program thinking that I would move up in academic administration, make more money, and retire early enough to take my wife on a trip around the world and finish my bucket list. The goal was not happiness so much as a sense of accomplishment. However, I struggled and struggled to find a dissertation topic until I settled on the study of clergy in the sermon preparation task. Now I find myself helping to establish a Center for the Study of Information and Religion at Kent State University. Sixteen years ago I never would have dreamed of charting a course to arrive at where I am today. I got here by stepping through the doors that opened to me, taking a chance and then discovering that, yeah, this is really cool. This is bliss. 

I don't need to look to know the balance of the retirement funds are lower than they were a year ago, but then retirement is probably the last thing on my mind these days. If anything, I need to check to see how old I can be before Kent State makes me retire. I am just having too much fun.     

I am trying Ping.fm as a way to post one message to several networking sites at one time.

Faith, Knowledge, Doubt, and Depression

Well, November came and went without a blog post, but I am not going to apologize as I was enjoying most of November back in Kansas with my family. I am back in Kent briefly to wrap up the semester and then heading back to the Land of Oz. So this may be the only post for December as well. It has been snowing since about noon and I am getting ready to go out to attend the Kent Festival of Lights, which brings me to the topic of this post. 

One of the things I have really had to monitor during the past several months of living alone is depression. It has been a recurring problem over the years, but this experience has been a strong motivator to deal with it more thoroughly than usual. I know that my nervous system tolerates only a cup of coffee per day. Any more than that I can usually start to feel the anxiety and depression building up. Thank goodness for decaf. Daily exercise is also vital for keeping my depression in check and I am thankful for a daily schedule that makes it easy to fit in 30-40 minutes most every day. I know that this time of year when there is less daylight and the nights are colder gets me down, which brings me back to the Festival of Lights.

I know that this is more of a commercial/festive event than anything spiritual, but it reminds me of the ancient rituals of turning back the night and leads me to the topic I have been pondering for a couple of weeks: where faith begins and knowledge ends. Another value in this equation for me, however, is doubt. 

I grew up believing that faith was more important than knowledge. Knowledge was valuable of course, but it was more important to believe that the end was near, that Jesus was coming back at any time, and only those strong in their faith would be whisked away to heaven, while all those who valued knowledge more than faith would be left behind to suffer. There came a point in my life when I rejected all of that and took up the power of doubt to liberate myself from the fear of unreasonable faith. But for me the price of liberation, the cost of skepticism, is having to accept  uncertainty and the occasional bout with depression. 

I am experiencing a new appreciation for folks who are able to believe, who have faith, but not at the expense of knowledge. I am encountering people who, while seeming not to doubt their faith, are at least being conscientious in their effort and obligation to continually extend their knowledge of the world. This has helped me to realize my error in assuming that people of faith tend to draw a circle within which they stand with their faith and are content to never venture beyond the circle into the unknown. I have also become aware of my lapse in questioning my own lack of faith, my drawing a circle around my doubts and refusing to venture into the world of faith. 

Faith continues to be irrational for me, but not any less so than whatever motivated the many parents I saw this evening bringing their kids out in the cold and the snow so the children could stand in line to tell Santa what they want for Christmas. It was good to see the smiles, to watch snow angels being made, and to just witness and appreciate the innocent belief children that life is good. I was reminded that, as a child, there still was uncertainty, but there was also faith that the adults in my life were in control and that everything was going to be okay. 

Then, of course, there comes a time when we have to be the adults and we come to realize how very scary it is to be the one who is supposed to make sure everything is going to be okay. The inability to make everything okay for everyone in my life is another cause of depression, but is not near as easy to control as limiting coffee intake or taking time to exercise.